Finding the light through the darkness

You know what? The last few months have been challenging, confusing and emotional.

I truly believe things happen for a reason, but sometimes you have to question why they happen all at once!

Let’s throwback 2 months ago…

Back in May, I was feeling optimistic and ready for a new challenge when I decided to leave my Digital Marketing role to go into a PR role. I was sad to leave such a good team, but I felt the move was right for me.

And then BAM! 

Pretty much the week I started my new role, we received the horrid news that my Grandad had been diagnosed with cancer. I felt heartbroken, confused and I felt I couldn’t tell my new job what was going on at home.

And then it was a whirlwind three weeks until he peacefully passed away. I wasn’t ready to go back to work and I already explained that I felt the move wasn’t right, so I decided to leave.

Looking back, it was the right decision, but what followed after was a whole heap of anxiety and bad feelings.

Late night panics, crying, frequent headaches, anxiety over going back to full-time work and let’s not even talk about what all this was doing to my menstrual cycle. Basically, it was fucked up. 

Although I never suffered from the stereotypical panic attacks or anything like that, I feel like there is a little anxiety monster inside of me and everytime I attempt to make an effort to move forward, my anxiety monster tells me no causing me to panic and cry my eyes out that my life is a sham.

And things were starting to feel better, until we received more news.

My great grandma passed away.

All this anxiety and stress with trying to freelance, find paid work and keeping myself sane has been challenging these last few months, to say the least. And with my great grandma passing away, brought all those emotions back up again.

But there have also been some really good times in-between and things that have kept me going. And I am so thankful.

Having time out to grieve

These last few months have been so good for my mental health. I’m not one to go on about mental health, but I could see the effect the news of my Grandad had on me and what it would do to me if I was to continue in my PR role, hence the decision to take time out and go freelance.

I’ve been able to grieve in my own time, without too much pressure to jump straight back into something.

Because of this, I feel I’m now ready to get back into the job world as I’m currently looking for work to go alongside my freelance stuff, whether that means part-time or full-time.

Looking after yourself is the priority after a traumatic time. It’s okay to take a step back in order to move forward.

Feeling creative again

My creative juices have been flowing much more recently with my blog and it’s making me really happy.

I’ve discovered over the last few months what I’m writing more of and what I’m writing less of, which has meant I have defined my niche even further. It’s a lovely mixture of lifestyle, travel, Northamptonshire life, food and coffee all mixed together with random ramblings.

I’ve also been getting creative with photoshop and canva to define a brand with my graphics, Pinterest pins and cover photos. Who says an old dog can’t learn new tricks!?

Roaming around Rome

If you haven’t heard (if not, where have you been!?) I went to Rome for my birthday with Josh and I can’t tell you how much I needed that break away.

We booked it back in February, so it’s been on the cards for a while. But after leaving my job and not knowing when the next bunch of work would come in, I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to go, but Josh kept insisting it was still going ahead.

Thank god it did, as I didn’t have any money worries leading up or during our trip and it was a well-deserved trip and made me forget about everything at home. I was able to come home feeling refreshed and ready to hit the ground running.

Feeling body confident again

It’s no hidden topic that I have gained weight. More than I have ever done in the past.

It’s a mix of eating out too much, being too comfortable with being in a new relationship and being too lazy and unmotivated to go to the gym. We’ve all been there!

But I’m enjoying a nice routine where I go to the gym 3 times a week to do a class or circuit training with my friend. Not only does it mean I get to see my friend when she’s not busy with her soon-to-be one-year-old, but it means I can actually have fun at the gym.

Body confidence also means finding clothes that suit my body type. I have always struggled with defining a style for myself as I tend to go for what ‘the model is wearing’ or what everyone else is wearing, rather than focus on what suits me.

As much as I want to wear pretty, flowy dresses, these don’t look good on me and make me look pregnant. Not a good look.

But now, I feel I have some steady staples in my wardrobe that keep me feeling and looking good.

Summer days

We’ve had such a fantastic summer, we really can’t complain!

The sunny days have definitely heightened my mood and anyone that moans about it can go away.

Sure, I don’t like the hot evenings, but I know it won’t be long until we’re complaining about the rain, wind and cold nights, so let’s make the most of it!

Love and support from those around me

With everything that is going on in my personal life right now, my family, friends and boyfriend have been so supportive recently and I can’t thank them enough.

Family who will keep a roof over your head and ensure you’re not worried about anything.

Friends who don’t judge you for your mistakes, your trials and failures and will constantly tell you things will work out for you soon and cheer you up.

And my boyfriend, Josh. For always standing by my side, for not judging me and for making me look forward to the future.

Let’s move forward from all the depressing stuff at the beginning and reflect on all the happy stuff above.

I am incredibly lucky. I know there are people who have it much worse off than me.

But I felt it was important to share how I have been feeling.

Moving forward, I am hoping there will be no more suffering, anxiety and panic.

I have some exciting things coming up and I am optimistic about the future.

I do still believe that things happen for a reason. So I’m just hoping something good happens for a reason soon!

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? Photos taken by Creatiff Media